A healthier lifestyle

Tonight we had my brother-in-law and his new girlfriend over for dinner. I cooked up a roast dinner more suitable for 10-12 than the five people sitting at the table, but my husband and I love leftovers so I don't hear any complaints about the amount of food put out on the table.

The food was DELICIOUS, although I forgot about the broccoli - and if you're not watching it steam it can go from deliciously bright green to a horrid brown colour in a matter of moments. Too soft, but still palatable.

My only problem was, just how much grease there was. I used no oil in the cooking process, and yet I still got up from the table feeling like I'd eaten an entire pat of butter. Or several. More and more I'm finding that my tolerance for greasy, fatty food is lowering. Not just because it makes me feel ill, either. But its becoming a mental thing, too. Just the thought of eating something hot, decandent and rich in flavour turns me off. A sad day, given how much I love the above.

And whilst I have no desire whatsoever to become a vegetarian (I love my meat too much to ever give it up) I'm finding myself becoming more and more interested in what a diet devoted more to my leafy greens could offer me. I'm determined to eat better, and to be more interested in the nutritional value of the food I prepare for myself and Sam.

I think its probably about time to reevaluate the stock/standard recipe selection that I turn to each fortnight, and reconsider what meals we eat frequently.

Getting over the fear of it all.

The funny thing about this post is that I'm writing about all the things I'm scared of - and it starts with getting over one very simple hurdle. I'm scared to write. In putting these thoughts down in writing, I'm acknowledging these problems as really existing and I've tried to ignore it up until now. In acknowledging them, it makes me responsible for getting over them.

And by writing now, I'm taking the responsibility that comes with my first acknowledgement - to actually do so.

So what else am I scared of?

I want to live self-sufficiently, a more organic, natural life. But I'm scared of taking the first steps towards doing so.

I want to take up photography on a more "professional" basis. I would like to start earning money for my efforts, but not fulltime. More of a paid hobby, I guess.

I want to go somewhere with my writing. But I'm scared of putting the proverbial pen to paper in case what I write is really crap, or worse, I discover that I can't write at all.

I want to lose weight, be healthier and fitter. But I'm scared of trying, in case I get laughed at.

I want a job more suited to my interests and talents. But I'm scared of going for it because I'm terrified of rejection.

...

All of these are things that I should be able to overcome using simple commonsense and a "just go for it" attitude. I should. Really. But do you think I can?

Story in progress - basic ideas.

The room was windowless, and all but dark except for the dim ray of light filtering into the room from under the doorway. A wooden ledge ran around the entire room, slightly damp from the water dripping down the stone walls. Musty smelling hay was piled up in one corner, and buried in its depths lay the figure of a girl.

In the half light it was possible to see that she lived, though her breathing was shallow and irregular. Dark stains marked the slip covering her body, and her hair matted with blood. She dozed fitfully, although she was slipping closer and closer to death her mind remained aware of her surroundings and she twitched at every sound coming through the closed door.

Muffled voices filled the corridor outside, coming closer and closer until they paused outside her cell. The girl's head rose slightly from the hay, her swollen eyes opening to watch the door. It remained closed, however, and she did not hear the soft click of the lock opening. Rather, she heard the voices outside continue to speak. The gruff voice of her guard, arguing with the gentle, soothing tones of a woman.

The girl licked her lips, tasting dried blood. Its acrid flavour would normally make her recoil, for she had always felt sick at the sight of blood. Now she simply felt numb, the awareness of what faced her sinking in. She shifted her body clumsily, propping herself up on the wooden ledge above her head. With some effort she managed to haul herself up onto it, into a sitting position.

Almost as soon as she'd stopped breathing heavily from the exertion, the door swung slowly open. The light filtering into the room made her squeeze her eyes in pain; though the light was naught more than a dull candle. A figure obscured the light, and stepped into the room. The smell of blood and disease was strong in the air, and her visitor quickly held a rag to their nose and mouth.

"Who are you?"

Coming to kneel before the girl, the woman who had visited her so many times before, grasped the girl's face firmly with her hands, twisting her head this way and that as though her features would reveal more than the girl herself had done.

"Tell me girl, who are you? I cannot help you if I do not know who you are."

At the girl's bitter, stony silence the woman lashed out, her open palm striking the cold cheek sharply. There was no gentle, soothing voice now.

"You are only making things harder for yourself, why won't you tell me?"

With her small hand nursing her already redeening cheek, the girl opened her eyes to stare at the woman before her. She saw no compassion in the woman's face, only a barely concealed greed. Oh yes, this woman knew who she was. And both knew it would be more dangerous for her to reveal her identity, despite her promises to the contrary. She had promised her father, never to tell a soul who she was. And she had managed many long years in exile, until a few months ago....

~*~

"Sun, my child. Come sit with me awhile, will you?"

Her father sat by the open door, leading out onto the verandah of his studio. Summer's warm breeze drifted in on the evening air, licking at her sweat-lined skin. It was a welcome relief from the heat of the day where no wind had eased the discomfort. As she sat down on the rugs beside him, she shifted the thin dress hanging from her shoulders. The material clung to her skin, and she could only look on in amazement at her father's ability to still wear his heavy robes in such a heat.

He smiled at her, patting her hand gently. But the smile did not reach his eyes. Both father and daughter knew the purpose of this meeting. Silence hung over them, as heady as the scent of magnolia blossoms. Neither wanted to break it, and it wasn't until her father drew an unsteady breath that Sun finally spoke.

"Father, I...."

Squeezing her hand, the old man shook his head. The look he gave her told her all that she needed to know. The family would honour the tradition, and there was naught Sun or her father could do to change things. Hanging her head, the young girl tried to hide her tears with her long, dark tresses. At barely ten years old, she did not look old enough to leave the safety of the nursery, let alone sit here now.

"Sun... if I could, you know I would not ask this of you? But... the family... Your cousin... I have no choice."

Nodding silently, it was her turn to hush her father. She tried to smile around her tears, to be strong for him. With her mother gone, life would be almost as hard for him now.

"Exile is the only choice, Father. My cousin would just as soon have my head on the chopping block, I must flee before she has her wish."

Both were crying freely now, sending her out into the world was almost as bad as sending her to the executioner. But at least she had a chance of survival. If she remained, it would not be long before her cousin; the heir to the family's head, would see to it that there was no chance of survival. Their grandmother was nearing death. Her mother should have been the heir, but with the tragic death of both her mother and aunt the previous year her older cousin had been formally elected by the family. A number of secret attempts had already been made on the child's life but when she officially became the head of the family, her cousin would not tolerate her cousin continuing to live. She was, after all, the rightful heir. And it was only down to her age that she was not Chosen.

"I will leave tonight, Father. I'm sad that I cannot say goodbye to Gran before I go but even this is too dangerous. At least I know she understands..."

Silence again fell of the room, broken only by the mournful sound of an owl on the wing. Its soft hoot echoing the sorrow in their hearts. Kissing each other on the cheek, the girl clung to her father as she said goodbye. He slipped a small purse of coins into her hand, shaking his head when she tried to refuse it.

"You will need money to get by until you find a way of making a living, Sun."

Neither said what they were thinking. How would a ten year old girl find any kind of employment? It was nigh on impossible, even with her talents and training. For certain, she was being sent to her death. Sun smiled awkwardly as she turned to gather what possessions she had packed.

"Do not fret for me, Father. I will find employment soon enough."

As she left the room, night descended in full. Leaving to sit in the darkness, and old man alone and broken with no one to witness the fresh tears pouring down his lined face. Avoiding the servants who were still present Upstairs, she kept to the shadowed halls as she made her way down. Even as she made her escape she heard shouts from the courtyard below. The rough voices of soldiers echoed in the hot chambers. And so, they had come. Lifting the corners of her thin dress, Sun fled down the stairs. The servants and her father could not hide her escape for long, and she had to put far more distance this first night between herself and the home of her childhood than she had ever thought necessary.

Portfolio

Some photos won't appear, I will change this if/when I get permission of the people in the photos to do so.

Diving in the deepend, with only rudimentary swimming skills

I was going to continue my project list from yesterday, but then I thought - there's no use in overwhelming myself with a huge list of things that I want to do. Best to begin making inroads to the projects I've already written down before coming up with more. Otherwise I won't know where to start, and I'll become bogged down with it all. I'm terrible like that.

So instead, I'm going to START one of those projects. In the planning stages at least, and actually do something for a change rather than simply talking about it.

...

I'm not the best photographer in the world, have a little understanding about the way it works and how to do it properly, but I love doing it and I've always had the passion and desire to get in there and just DO IT. I've got some technical knowledge, and the more photographs I take the better I feel I'm becoming and expressing my creative abilities, too. But I haven't found my niche yet, or added my own personality to the photos that I take.

So I guess the first steps will be learning more, and developing my own style. I hope to start promoting myself from the outset, offering free photography in return for models, and possibly access to places I wouldn't otherwise get the opportunity to photograph. I'm tossing up whether or not I want to offer free prints of some (or one) of the best photos from each shoot but I guess it will be good incentive.

And, I need to really look into ways to promote myself properly. I'm not doing very well in that department as yet. I'm home sick still, which means I've got all the time in the world to really do this well.

Wish me luck!

Annean xxoo

Project List

I love lists, I really do. I enjoy making them, and then reading back on it later. There's something satisfying about them. So, here's a new one. A list of projects, not a list of 100 Things That I'd Like to Do. I think this would work better, and be more achievable. Less depressing because some of the things that I want to do... I probably never will. So here's my new list =)

PROJECT LIST

1. Steampunk our television set.
2. Design and create a rental friendly vegetable and herb garden.
3. Revamp the chest of drawers in the bedroom.
4. Start a DVD collection (list forthcoming XD)
5. Collect and paint and whole bunch of miniatures for the D&D campaign.
6. Go through the kitchen, and donate what I don't need to charity.
7. Promote myself as a photographer.
8. Write a cookbook of all my favourite recipes.
9. Study photography, cooking, gardening and woodworking.
10. Knit Sam a jacket.
    
    

I'm going to stop at ten tonight, I have the flu and the medication is messing with my ability to think. I'll definitely add more tomorrow though =)

My old list of 100 things that make me happy

I wrote this last year sometime, to remind myself of the things that I truly enjoy in life. I plan to rewrite it, and see how much its changed in just a year. I'm also planning to write a list of 100 things I want to do - a list I've tried to do on and off for the last four or five years.

So I decided that something I really wanted to do was compile a list of things that make me happy, right now. In a few years I want to try and do it again and then compare the lists...

1. Sam, nothing and no one else could possibly hope to be on the top of this list.
2. The first few days of Spring.
3. Snoozing in the sun.
4. Curled up in front of a fire with a book in my hand.
5. Finding contentment in a hot cup of tea.
6. Discovering a new tea to like.
7. Reading through the recipes in a cookbook.
8. Receiving a cookbook as a present.
9. Discovering a new author to love.
10. Rereading my old favourites.
11. Watching for the millionth time, the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice.
12. Curled up next to Sam as we watch a period drama, and feeling pleased to know he enjoyed it.
13. Curling up with Sam, period.
14. The sound of running water.
15. Watching running water.
16. Hot full pressure water running down my body.
17. Slipping into icy cold water, in a pool or a river/ocean/lake.
18. Sunsets over the ocean.
19. Sunrises on the farm.
20. The first hour or so after the sun has risen, and the world is bathed in gold.
21. Standing or walking in the rain.
22. Dancing in the middle of a thunderstorm.
23. Coming home completely drenched and freezing cold, to jump in a nice hot shower.
24. Bathtime... a rarity, but a purely indulgent pleasure because I always make sure to do it RIGHT. Candles, bubbles, scented water, soft relaxing music, no interruptions and a good book to devour.
25. Foot massages.
26.Well, full body massages really. Its less enjoyable when in pain... but if he's doing it for purely pleasure reasons Sam has the 'Touch'.
27. Reading Lord of the Rings, and still to this day enjoying every word of it.
28. Reading through Sam's collection of books and devouring 4 or 5 of them a week.
29. Trying out a new recipe.
30. 29a) and messing about in the kitchen.
31. 29b) and having Sam love it.
32. Inventing new foods, and having Sam love it so much that he says I can cook it again.
33. My roast lamb.
34. My roast potatoes, that are better than even Nanna makes.
35. My shepherd's pie.... even Mum can't better me on that one.
36. Using fresh herbs straight from the garden.
37. Notebook.
38. Candlelight.
39. When Sam does something unexpected and romantic.
40. Having a clean house.
41. Often, when I'm not procrastinating cleaning the house makes me happy.
42. Flooring Dad, when he walks into the house and can't find a fault in its cleanliness.
43. Listening to the sound of birds singing in the first few hours of the day.
44. The chorus of frogs that croak and groan on the dam at night.
45. Hot, balmy nights with the gentle whir the fan and the blowing air on my skin.
46. Cuddling down in the blankets on a cold night, warm in my little cocoon.
47. Having Sam there for warmth whenever the nights get too cold.
48. Gum trees.
49. The sound of the wind blowing through the sheoaks.
50. A warm day spent in the bushland in the middle of the wheatbelt.
51. Going away on a camping holiday with my grandparents.
52. Spending the day down in Margaret River.
53. Sunbathing on a warm rock, by a cold pool of water at the bottom of a gorge.
54. Driving sheep.
55. Burning fallen trees, branches etc on the farm.
56. The traditional family bbq.
57. My nephew, Jackson... the few times I've seen him.
58. My baby Elly.
59. The colour yellow.
60. The colour green.
61. Watching things grow that I myself have planted and tended too.
62. Days off work.
63. Lazy Sundays with nothing better to do than go with the whim of the moment.
64. Taking photographs, and discovering the gems amongst them.
65. Collecting books, and watching the collection expanding. There'll be a library room eventually.
66. Hats.
67. Tea sets, or just tea pots.
68. Ironing... and yes, it makes me happy.
69. The smell of cooking steak.
70. Lavender.
71. Clean, fresh sheets.
72. Freshly mown lawn.
73. Watching documentaries.
74. Specifically, IMAX of David Attenborough.
75. New episodes of Dr. Who.
76. David Tennant.
77. Dreaming about the past... and I don't mean, my past... like, Victorian, Medieval...
78. Writing.
79. Creating my own universe.
80. Seeing people enjoy reading my writing, especially the poetry.
81. Reading through my poetry once its finished and being pleased with the result.
82. Creating things with my own hands.
83. A job well done.
84. Praise
85. Finding something new to be interested in, and studying it.
86. Looking at our wedding photos.
87. The smell of Acacia blossoms.
88. The smell of wet earth after the rain.
89. Munchkin.
90. Mango tea.
91. Dragon's Pearls, or Buddha's Tears.
92. Discovering someone who likes something that I like, and not expecting it.
93. People that I get along with.
94. Spending time with the people I love.
95. Being surprised to find mail in the letterbox from Jo.
96. Getting to talk to Jo online, even if its only briefly.
97. A clean, sparkling kitchen.
98. Going on picnics, and just lazing around doing nothing.
99. Sleeping in.
100. Finishing the list to end all lists.